


if you must die, sweetheart (die knowing your life was my life's best part)

by VileValkyrie



Series: The Departing AU [1]
Category: Guild Wars 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, NaNoWriMo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 14:49:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21357994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VileValkyrie/pseuds/VileValkyrie
Summary: If you must leave,Leave as though fire burns under your feetIf you must speak,Speak every word as though it were uniqueIf you must die, sweetheartDie knowing your life was my life's best part.And if you must die,Remember your life“You” - Keaton Henson
Series: The Departing AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1539673
Kudos: 16





	if you must die, sweetheart (die knowing your life was my life's best part)

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to get kinda wild, not gonna lie.  
SO  
Hi there!  
I wanna start by saying that this entire mess is all the fault of [Commanders-sole-braincell](https://commanders-sole-braincell.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr. Specifically [this post right here.](https://commanders-sole-braincell.tumblr.com/post/185438344834/im-back-on-my-bullshit-and-ive-been-thinking)  
Thank you so much for letting me play with your idea, I really am honored!
> 
> I started working on this back in June, and it's.... it's November. My only defense is that this kind of exploded and now its a four part series with a prologue and epilogue, and another four intermissions.  
How long will this take me? A while, probably. But am I very excited about it? Fuck yeah!!!  
That being said, this right here is the Prologue.  


It ends with a light.  
It flashes only for a moment, blindingly bright and cold. The glow of the ethereal bird, vanishing in an instant of sharp, icy, cruel clarity, pierces her soul like a needle.  
The sudden and heavy weight of her missing memories- now found, in the midst of this desolate purgatory- settles over her shoulders like a physical burden, a blanket of lead, evident in the violent trembling of her body and the sheen of panic in her eyes.

She (Taisie. Her name is Taisie. She remembers that now) should not be here. It is a mantra she finds herself repeating over and over again, an urgent parroting of her first words here in this terrible, frigid hellscape, now echoing with horror and purpose and knowledge.  
She is scrambling back towards the ring of crumbling pillars that shelters the imposing figure of the Judge, winding her way through a blanket of ghostly fog, around crumbling rubble and strange debris and trembling souls. There is a scuffling at her back, the rush of footsteps and an exasperated huff as Nenah, the kind and generous spirit who had already helped Taisie so _so_ much, struggles to keep up with her sudden, frantic pace.  
Taisie can’t seem to help it. Terrible, agonizing memories are jangling around in her mind with a violence and ferocity that surpasses even the Brandstorm, flashing images of roaring fires, hate-filled eyes, and the reverberating shriek of someone she love so _desperately._

Aurene.  
Balthazar had _taken_ Aurene.

Who could know what he might have been doing to her, what he could have _used_ her for, while Taisie was wasting time stumbling around in this miserable place! The thought alone sends a wave of bone-deep terror through her, skin crawling as she enters the small clearing, stumbling breathlessly to a halt before the Judge.

_"Grenth welcomes all, noble spirit."_ The Judge greets her once more, _"Step forward, and I will send you to your appointed place."_

Panic courses through her, constricting in her chest and mercilessly squeezing at the heart she no longer possesses. All that matters is getting back to Aurene.

"You must let me go back!" Her plea is choked with emotion, "I _have_ to go back!"

The Judge almost seems regretful, peering down at her with fathomless eyes, obscured by the stylized skull over their face and a thin miasma of living shadow.  
_"I can see you clearly now, Commander."_ They reply, _"Balthazar killed you… but you would face him again?"_

_Yes!_ She almost cries, _A thousand times over!_

_"Balthazar has done great harm here."_ The Judge continues, in a voice that radiates their righteous fury towards the fallen God of War, _"The magic he uses to hijack spirits shakes the very foundations of the Domain of the Lost… But I cannot help you."_

"If I could just go back," She insists, fighting (and failing) to suppress the note of utter desperation in her words, "If I could defeat him, it might undo the damage he's done to _both_ our worlds!"

_Please,_ she doesn’t say, clenching her fists at her sides, _Please, I have to save her!_

There is true regret in the Judge's glowing eyes now, an unmistakable slump to their shoulders as they regard her once more. They seem to be searching for something- something they weren't finding. Her breath hitches, and she knows what they are going to say before their voice even splits the eerie murmur of the Domain once more.

_"It is… too late."_ They say, gentle and almost understanding, _"No life remains in your body."_

Taisie is almost surprised at the numbness that floods every corner of her soul, like a river of icy water, colder and sharper than the farthest corner of the Bitterfrost Frontier. She rocks on her feet.  
Disbelief chases closely at its heels, a denial so fierce and instinctual she shudders, exhaling a single, tremulous breath. She seems to shrink in on herself as she stumbles back a step, and the frozen water in her veins thaws long enough to release an utter tidal wave of emotions. Too many to count. Too many to process.  
This could _not_ be happening.This wasn't… how it was supposed to end. 

"I _can't,"_ she chokes, pausing only to heave in another wheezing, panicked gasp, _"I can't leave her!"_

She feels a gentle pressure on her shoulder, the imprint of Nenah's ghostly hand. The scrap of comfort it offers is battered away by the inescapable flood of despair in her heart.  
In her mind, all she can see is the bright, trusting eyes of the hatchling she'd cared for, had grown to love fiercely, for the better part of a year. All she can see is the angry glow of Balthazar's chains twisting around her body. All she can see is the way she'd utterly failed Aurene's brother.  
The image of Aurene, broken and lifeless in much the same way Vlast had been, springs unbidden to the forefront of her mind. With a small, audible squeak of horror, she violently shoves the image away, tears it to shreds within her and scatters the pieces to the wind. Nausea sweeps over her spirit.  
That could _never_ be allowed to happen. 

_“But how can you be sure?”_ whispers a quiet voice within, _“You're not there for her.”_

Distantly, as panic and horror clash violently within her, she hears the Judge murmuring quietly to Nenah, firm and gentle instructions that sound like white noise to Taisie, waves crashing on the beach and wind blowing over desert sand. Everything else fades, and the once-Commander is left before a yawning chasm of darkness. A void so deep and so terrible, opening up before her, as she faces what feels like an eternity separated from her loved ones, forced to linger with the weight of her failure.

Then, from the darkness she hears:

_“It’s not what you expected, is it?”_

Taisie jolts, glancing up to find herself face to face with the self proclaimed God-King of Elona. Feeling and sensation rushes back to her. Nenah’s hand is on her arm. The Judge watches from afar. At her dumbfounded expression, the lich gives a poisonous smile, and prompts her again.

“Death.” Palawa Joko supplies, “It’s not everything you’d dreamed it would be, is it?”

Taisie doesn’t know how to answer him. Half of her mind is still paralyzed before the pit of darkness, numb with anguish. The other half is teeming with dreadful worry for her friends. For Aurene. For Tyria. 

“Not to worry, little hero. You’re not the first to find the afterlife to be a bit of a let down.” Joko continues, oblivious to or willfully ignoring her uncomprehending expression, “But I meant what I said before. We can help each other.”

There. He has her attention now, and they both know it. The darkness at the back of her mind lessens, and she watches him with sharper eyes. Beside her, Nenah goes rigid. 

“We can both walk out of this dreadful place together, _Commander.”_ he says, and the sound of her title on his cracked lips is mocking and triumphant, as if he can’t even imagine a refusal, “After all, what is death to the most powerful lich in existence?”

_“The salvation he offers is not for you,”_ Nenah’s voice is an urgent whisper in her ear, a firm grip on her arm, _“You already have an appointed place.”_

It is blisteringly _unfair,_ and Taisie is at once choking on her rage and grief. To receive such an offer from a tyrant as cruel and unhinged as _Palawa Joko…_ there is no way she is going to accept it, and that _burns._

How dare he?

How dare this sick, twisted, shadow of a man dangle her life- the lives of her friends, _Aurene-_ in front of her like live bait?

Her fingers twitch towards the spectral weapons at her side, and in this moment she wants nothing more than to gut the monster in chains before her, to end his reign of terror once and for all. But Nenah is tugging insistently at her arm, anxious to get her away from the lich and his odorous influence.  
In the end, Taisie has no choice but to relinquish her anger. Palawa Joko is nothing more than a caged animal now. If the universe is kind, that is how things will stay. Elona will be all the better for it. Taisie turns from him, and follows Nenah towards the dark, crumbling stairway. At her back, Joko roars in outrage, tugging against the malevolent, orange chains binding him to the Domain of the Lost. He shouts abuse at them as they climb the stairs, ugly threats and dark promises of the things he will do, once he is free. He speaks of his freedom as if it is an absolute certainty, and Taisie feels a twinge of foreboding.  
But his voice fades quickly, and she is once again consumed by dread for something far more pressing. Fate looms before her, and Taisie is not sure if she’s ready for it. But attempting to fight it would be tantamount to holding back a hurricane with her bare hands.

As the ghostly woman guides her upward, towards the shimmering rift that waits just beyond an iron gate, Nenah’s grip on her arm lessens and she relaxes. 

_“It would have been a lie.”_ she says, and the truth of her words soothes the sting of unfairness, _“The life he could have given you wouldn’t have been life at all. Just slavery.”_

Taisie nods absently, eyes locked on the glowing ring perched precariously on the ledge before them. The gate swings open, and she can almost feel the encouraging presence of the Judge below. She feels as she did all those years ago, flying into battle to face Zhaitan itself. She is younger. Less sure. The unknown stretches out in front of her. Change and possibility, tangling together irrevocably.  
She glances back, and Nenah smiles at her, earnest and encouraging.

_“They’ll be okay, Commander.”_

And perhaps they will.

Taisie takes a deep, fortifying breath. She doesn’t hide the tremble in her shoulders, or in her hands. 

When she steps forward, there is warmth and love and light, and the faintest strains of a sweet song in the distance.

**Author's Note:**

> I've chosen this series as the project I'll be working on for NaNoWriMo so expect November to be a productive month!


End file.
